SnM comics

Brace for bad news, friends.

2009-08-03T11:08:00.000-07:00

In all likely hood, our regular readers won't be reading this, on account of having killed themselves because they couldn't live in a world where SnM isn't posting comics or blogs. It's been hard on me too, guys. My unfulfilled need, nay hunger, for comic funnies has left me neurotic and violent. I've been muttering nonsense to strangers and kicking family members in the face for various reasons (I won't go into it, suffice to say that a drop kick to the dome piece is an effective, if slightly immoral, method for silencing obnoxious children).

Two weeks without a new comic, and one week without the witty, hilarious, and profound blogs that my brain usually makes? What the fuck is happening here?

Well, it's like this. Season One is fucking over. It was epic while it lasted. Any minute now, we'll be tearing our archive of sexy comics off this disease ridden filth hole you call the internet. We're gonna compile them shits into actual comics and pass them out at elementary schools to encourage reading...and underage promiscuity, for the children.

But all hope is not lost. We'll be starting Season Two in the near future (read: as soon as we figure out how to get away with dicking off at new jobs and school). We'll let ya'll know when it happens, cause we love you and want to hold you and caress you until all your fears vanish into a cloud of happiness.

As a teaser for the future SnM, I'm gonna let you in on a dirty little secret. Skyler doesn't want me saying shit, but he's terrified (read: stroked himself impotent)of the internet now, so what the fuck does he know?

I'm just putting the finishing touches on the script for Iniquitus Sol, our next full length graphic novel which features your beloved SnM characters as they battle the apocalypse in a story so intricate and deep, it'll make Crime and Punishment look like your fat, ugly mother. This story has fucking everything: beheadings, jokes, sexual intrigue, demons, jokes, heaps of drug use, spaghetti, and even some actually intelligent and thought out philosophies.

But for now, I gotta go blend up some hot dogs, cause my whiny kid drinks food through straws these days. What a cute little scamp.

Deadlines are what gays do

2009-07-26T18:42:00.000-07:00

Last week's dolphin massacre took some time to whip up, so we were a bit late on that one. That's forgivable, right? We totally meant to catch up by this Saturday, but we didn't.

It's not that we don't love you. It's that we got distracted watching television. You know that shit comes with curse words and titties now?

No big deal though. We missed two measley Saturdays after a mind boggling streak of dedication, where in we met deadline after deadline for two whole weeks in a mother fucking row. We're gonna focus on the success rather than dwelling on the ugly past. It's called Denial and Repression, and it's how we do around here. For instance, when I'm not using it for comedic purposes, I've practically buried that horrific image of my mother and her boyfriend, their globby white asses glowing in the faint blue light of the Cosby Show. Interestingly enough, that night is the sole reason I hate the Blacks. Sorry guys. You really don't deserve it.

But enough playful racism and deep-seated psychological issues. We're here to discuss the new SnM, a place where art and comedy flow freely, like gentle streams of honey, unencombered by stupid deadlines.

Comics will hence forth be delivered every once in a while...you know...sort of weekly-ish. Just to be safe, you should probably check the site pretty much everytime you're high.

SnM goes to Comic-Con

2009-07-24T20:38:00.000-07:00

We weren't invited by mistake. It's cool, though. Accidents happen. That's why god gave us erasers and guns.

Since I'm as suave as my mustache is curly, I never even heard of this so called nerd fest, but as soon as Skyler informalized me to it, I knew SnM had to be there or die trying.

There were many obstacles in our path to glory: San Diego was far as fuck away (you know...when you're lazy), I don't go no money dollars, and Skyler's car repels skanks faster than his ugly face does. Luckily, Lee's got business savy street smarts. He knows a good investment when he sees one. We sealed the deal in seconds, with some half-assed carboard pie charts and a well-wacked shovel to the dome piece. After he was wowed unconciousness (or dead, we're too important to bother with vital signs), he forked over his wallet and car keys and wished us the best of luck. We loaded his shiny pimp mobile with comic funnies and set off in search of adventure.

You shoulda seen me drop my name on the security fucks like I owned the place. It was all "Right this way, Mr. Powell," and "Have another beer while I tickle your balls." Skyler didn't get in. I forget why. Something about police and a stolen vehicle.

Once inside, everyone kept eying my backstage pass and telling me how great "swallow me whole" was. After fifteen or so times, I finally tired of of telling them to "swallow my cock" and asked some goofy nerd what the fuck he was talking about. Turns out, Swallow me Whole is this book by some Nate Powell jack ass.

I was about to stab a fool and call some attention to how doper The Decadence is, but they announced this Eisner Award my way. It came with a check, which I graciously accepted.

Comic con is a lot of things to a lot of unimportant people, but I'll always remember it is that time I scored enough loot to buy week's worth of cocain.

Dublooned

2009-07-20T10:12:00.000-07:00

So a couple days ago I did humanity a favor and answered that pesky meaning of life question everyone's asking about. But, I was pretty high, and I might've forgotten a few of the details...there was something about legos, though, and jellyfish.

The main jist was that most attempts to answer that question are too homocentric (that there's a science word I made up to mean "centered around humans." I subbed in homo cause you drink jizz buckets, queer). I don't know if you know this, but things are alive even if they're not people, even if they're just floating around catching food on accident. And all plants do is turn little bits of rock into growing stems and leaves and shit, using the powers of water and the sun, but they're still alive, man. I just blew your mind, right? By telling you plants and jellyfish are alive? How come your mighty science never deduced that, bitches?

But I'll take it one step further: all life does is absorb non-living or dead shit into itself so it can grow and expand. That's the answer, baby. Manifest Destiny. We(people)are alive and we're taking over, unless these adorable dolphins fuck up our shit.

Check this interesting but long as fuck video. It'll make you poop.

If you can walk away from that without a blood thirst for dolphin sushi, you're one fucked up individual. Those monsters are one step away from being legitamte competition in the high stakes resource game. Our team is beyond evolution. Our retards are shamelessly allowed to live and make retardeder retard babies, while we pollute the ocean thus speeding up dolphin evolution by ensuring that only the smartest survive. Plus faster mutation from nuclear things probably.

I guess we could stop polluting and train them as water slaves, but that's what pussies do. Real men kill dolphins. They already have sonar telepathy. They're literally a generation away from jedi mind control. And they're cute as fuck! How are we gonna say no to their demands?

Is comedy our only hope?

2009-07-19T11:41:00.000-07:00

No. We also have violence, and bloodshed gets shit done. Just look at Vietnam, or Iraq, or that other place where we kill people for no reason, except there is a reason and it's called Comedy.

Laughter is the multi-use screwdriver of revolution and enslavement. You can't finish the job without one, unless you're drunk, and I'm freaking wasted.

There are rules against beating and killing people until they agree with you, but this is America, dammit, and we can ridicule their ideals, exposing such retardedry and shame that they're forced to suicide.

The world is utterly terrifying and as you can infer from my fear, I am quite the coward. I don't excercise and guns freak me the fuck out, so if i want a revolution (and Skyler tells me I do) I guess I'll have to stick with harmless insults hurled from an insignificant website...of unfathomable greatness. I suggest you join in, cause, great aborted Jesus fetus, it's fun to hate.

P.S. I meant to talk about how Jon Stewart is the only balanced news source on the entire planet and how ironic and scary and great that is. I got distracted though. Anyway here's the link to a recent episode in which he cleverly points out the flaws in democratic health care without being a nut job conservative screaming about flap jacks or whatever they do.

Notice how subdued the laughter is when he attacks your fearless leader. People are so gay for that guy I wanna puke.

Why do we art?

2009-07-16T17:37:00.000-07:00

There's a lot of practical shit I could be doing with my time. I could learn to build houses, fix cars, run some sort of retail outlet, or maybe figure out how these magical computer devices do what they do. It wouldn't be hard either. I'm not retarded. I can do things.

The problem, friends, is that I don't feel like it. I'd rather make up stories about people that don't exist in order to illustrate ideas that don't matter. I obsess over every last detail until I've got this shiny story, and I can't even eat it. It just sits there, mocking me like fake pie.

Most of you do the same shit, whether with your music or your poorly drawn comics. But why? What does art do?

I'm aware that it makes the world pretty, and I suppose there's no reason to bust your ass at actual work if you don't have to, but there's obviously more to it than that. There's that nagging drive to perfect your style, that amazing kicked in the gut feeling when you see or hear or read something done right. And they teach all sorts of classes about the shit at community college. It must be important.

I have two theories on the subject. One is sincere, and frankly a tad faggy, while the other is something an arrogant dick would say on the internet. Guess which one I feel like sharing.

Art is and always will be a selfish quest for cash stacks and immortality. As proved by Science, dying totally blows. The only way to avoid it is to make something so technically bad ass that people will have to talk about it for years in order to fully comprehend just how awesome you were (and by you, I mean me).

Also, no one really cares about anyone else's selfish bullshit, but we all know that if we don't pretend to give a fuck about Beethoven and Shakesqueer (did you see what I did there?), no one will remember us. Let's be real here. Beethoven didn't have distortion pedals, turntables, or rhyme skills...so fuck him.

This one's for the fans

2009-07-13T19:46:00.001-07:00

I'm not ashamed to admit that I read these blogs over and over, naked, marvelling at my sublte word plays, clever allusions, and gigantic wang. Well, after today's post-read clean up, I realized I've been pretty hard on our adoring audience, what with the death threats and personal insults.

I'm not sorry, but I am hungry. Hungry for delicious, greasy friendship. After all, what would I be without you? Just some ass wart talking to himself on the internet. Wow, that would be pathetic, and gay somehow. Luckily a vast readership of over 9,000 readers read this site every day, thus validating the neglect I heap onto my family and catipulting me into the gold plated halls of fame and glory.

That kind of power might corrupt lesser men, just knowing they could command legions of quirky but sexy nerd girls to gobble their junk at the drop of my pants. But not me. No not us. We have morals. And class.

My point is this: we haven't forgotten our friends, yet. We actaully like you and don't want you to die, unless you're shot down in a hail of gunfire because SnM used its subliminal mind fucks to convince you to give salmonella to school children. The publicity would really help.

Internal Affairs

2009-07-11T18:13:00.000-07:00

This week's comic is up and it's a fucking doozey. We spent weeks utilizing our actually existant journalism powers to find the truth behind the rampant corruption within the Police Department. We won't say which department (it's Mammoth's), since we tossed out all them true facts and subbed in some hilarious bullshit for your comic enjoyment. That's what we do here.

But don't take my word for it. Here are two hard hitting reports from the Mammoth Times:

I Love Police

C'mon guys, let's just take his word for it. I'm sure the cop wouldn't lie.

Notice how both articles shamelessly side with the cops? The tranny who wrote the opinion piece barely restrains himself from calling Chief Shienle a hero for speaking out against the 100% true allegations that he fucked some side floozey and commanded his thugs to punch out a troublesome rookie. You can almost see him salivating over Shienle's shriveled nuts. Way to inform the people, Mr. Sugimura.

Oh! And guess who's wife is Mammoth's mayor? Fucking Sugimura, the reporter who is supposed to reveal to us how his wife's police force is composed of bumbling idiots and corrupt drug fiends. Fuck you, Mammoth Times. Fuck you right in the face.

Now, I have no real way of knowing if these allegations are true, but we both know they are. These are the same cops that stole your weed in high school. The ones that got off on beating up Mexicans. And especially the ones who abused that poor narc of theirs, the one that sucked the chrome off of bumpers...You know the one.

These power tripping bitches were severly punished with paid vacation time for their crimes against humanity. But is that enough? And what can we do, since they have the guns, the media, and the drugs? I'm glad I asked. Shienle's email was on that one article. I bet if you flooded it with child pornography those internal affairs folks would totally notice. I'm just sayin.

I told you so

2009-07-10T18:28:00.001-07:00

Remember that time when I predicted Hurricane Katrina and blogged the warning all over your face thus saving thousands of lives? Check the archives. It's there, proof that I am one psychic mother fucking maestro of entertainment.

Well, add this gem to the collection.

Sure, it's entirely different than the mind reading I warned you about earlier, but it's fucking brain hacking! That's even worse. Not only can they monitor your mind and arrest the fuck out of you just for thinking about a little harmless rape, now they can hack in there and command you to rape their enemies (it may seem like I'm overly focused on the rape potential of these technologies, but I know these people. They're rapists, fool).

We gotta stay one step ahead of the game. Admittedly, computers aren't my bag. If Skyler weren't always threatening me with taco embargoes, I'd still be hiding in the corner with my paper readables like a frightened old man.

So it's up to you to master the brain hacking capabilities. And since there's only two of you reading this (if that), it should be pretty easy for me to cut off your head and absorb your knowledges. Go to it. We're counting on you.

On Death

2009-07-08T00:46:00.000-07:00

We here at SnM make a lot of jokes about death and draw lots of funny pictures of people getting killed. You might think we think life is insignificant. You are retarded.

From that first bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch to that time you jerked off thinking about that chick at the coffee shop you will never, ever bang, ever, Life is fucking sweet. Well, ours are. We could really give a shit about your life but don't, cause we're too busy eating chicken. Good chicken, too, with all the proper seasonings.

Sadly, we can't eat chicken forever. Until now that is. Our team of highly trained and entirely fabricated scientists have created a fucking robot! And all you gotta do is jam these wires into the back of your skull like so:

(Ok, right here, you have to imagine this fucking guy with these painful looking wires sticking out of his brain. Probably his eyes are bulging out and there's blood everywhere. I got bored of looking before I could find said picture. Sorry. Also, fuck you, Internet. How will I ever learn to love again?)

Then you download your brain-thoughts onto this handy-dandy cd rom module. Send that shit to us with a self-addressed, stamped envelope for some reason, and we will program this robot with your memories so you can live forever! Amazing, right? Did I mention the robot has rocket launchers? You know you want it.

In the process, we might steal your thoughts and sell them to our sponsors in order to develope the perfect advertising gimmick. Oh, and the wire thing might kill you, which is OK, since death is harmless and funny.

Christopher Sly

2009-07-04T13:21:00.000-07:00

This week's comic is up, and we didn't even have to change our release schedule to make it look like we were on time. We just fucking were. You could thank us later, or now. Whenever. Just make checks payable to Nick Powell. If sending drugs, please be advised that we don't really care for pills or meth. Anything else'll be just fine.

Quick! Go read the comic.

Now that that's been taken care of, we can discuss the various elements of Christopher Sly's psychotic break down. At first reading, he seems the innocent victim of young pranksters, but closer analysis reveals the symbolic nature of his three tormentors.

Denizen, of course, represents the effects of drug abuse on man's fragile brain tissues, while Friend epitomizes the fear and paranoia induced by the mainstream media. I'm not sure what Jeremy is. The desires of the id? fear of mortality? sexual frustration? perhaps an abusive father figure of sorts?

The point is, you should smoke all the drugs you can get your hands on, then watch a shit ton of telivised news propaganda. And when you're all boiling with rage, go out and kill some Cambodians. You'll be a hero.

SnM, though ignorant as fuck, talks politics

2009-07-03T22:43:00.000-07:00

We all know Global Warming was an elaborate lie** designed to make nerds seem cool, thus helping them to dip their dicks in vagoo sauce. They told us gas was full of pollution all the sudden, so scientists would have to step up and save the day with their expensive gadgets.

Luckily, we saw through all that bullshit with the greatest of ease. We've seen enough cartoons and eighties movies to know that nerds are jerks and actions never have serious consequences.

So imagine my surprise when I read about this new Cap and Trade Law or program or whatever the fuck it is. Obama wants to take away our rights to drive cars, run factories, live fast, and die young? How could that be? How could a man with such grace and insight want to do something so retarded?

Now, I've been hesitant to write this blog. I don't think it's right for people to criticize our President, especially on the Fourth of July, but this Wahington Post article officially declared it OK to hate on the President, despite his blackness and probable gang affiliations. And I have to do something, cause SnM, inc. cuts down forests like fucking crazy and pumps black clouds of death into the air just for kicks.

So here goes: Fuck Cap and Trade. It's gonna make everything cost 5 million dollars, and after two weeks of that shit, we'll be slitting eachother's throats Road Warrior style. Is that what you want, Obama? It's what SnM wants - sweet, delicious anarchy. So I guess I changed my mind. Cap and Trade rocks my socks. Go Captain Planet!

**Global Warming is not actaully a lie. Please, for the love of God, install some compact flouresents, or we're all gonna die.

An SnM movie critique

2009-07-02T14:34:00.000-07:00

Hollywood needs to stop wasting my time with movies about shit that actually happened, especially when they make it look fucking bad ass with dope actors and sexy trailers.

True stories are never, ever good enough to be filmed, even when they're about mobster era bank robbers. That's why Public Enemies, starring Jon Lovitz and Batman, left me flaccid and unfulfilled.

Sure, Mr. Lovitz did a fine job, but his mysterious mustache did all the real work. And Batman was fucking pointless. He could've been a nameless cop and still had the same effect. Although, the words at the end of the movie told me he killed himself a year later, so I guess that's why we care about him.

The directing was tip-top and even the dialogue was decent, but the story licked salty ass crack.

You know why? Cause God wrote it. God dooesn't know dick about symbolism or plot structure or irony or conflicts or even theme. He's the go to guy for everlasting salvation, but the guy writes like a retarded middle schooler. His stories are fucking pointless.

In fiction, everything happens for a reason, usually to make the story not suck. True stories are just a bunch of things that happened. Directors aren't allowed to edit out the boring shit or jazz up the weak ass ending where he gets shot in the back the day before what would have been an epic train heist (Fuck that ending).

I saw we join together to boycott all truth in movies, television, newspapers, textbooks, all that shit. Cause even if all the details of your story are accurate, the main point is non existant. That's why you should send me all your money.

Caligula

2009-06-28T17:20:00.000-07:00

God I hate rich people, with their heated swimming pools and shrimp cocktail sauce. I hear that shit's delicious beyond all reason, but the only seafood I can afford with my foodstamps is dolphin-laden tuna fish. It's not fair! That's why I stick it to 'em good with comic funnies. Did you see the look on the smug jerk's expensive face when we threw him in the well? I hope he hates himself.

On a lighter note, this week's comic destroyed our previous record for comic with the most titties. A staggering 53! Go back and see if you can find em all (Hint: you can't. Not because they aren't there, but because years of your mother's passive-aggressive mental abuse has rendered you unable to identify 93% of titties. Sucks to be you, fag.).

To celebrate our new record, we're gonna let you decide the topic for next week's comic. Throw down your ideas in the comment box so we can promptly ignore/ mock them. The guy with the idea that doesn't suck wins!

2009-06-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

Hi there. We here at SnM comics would like to take a break from our usual routine of making hilarity, ingesting drugs, and wagering money you've only dreamed of on what it will take to get tonight's hooker to cry delicious shame tears so that we can explain a few things to our possibly confused studio audience.

Pay attention. You better not make me do this again.

One of our fans, let's just call him Skyler since we don't actually have fans, recently became concerned that our future fans (of which there'll be so, so many)might not understand what the fuck is happening with our cast of characters.

It's like this: We invented these fictitious people whose resemblence to us and many of our friends is completely coincidental. No. Fuck that. It's non-existant. We're that fucking creative. Anyway, they're basically actors, dig? And we can throw them into any situation we please.

None of these stories has any real effect on the actors who act them, except for the times when they do. Those times are the shit, and you should totally write essays that analyze our character developement over the span of several period genres in relation to our bulging genius. Then hand them shits to your professors and watch the A's roll in.

Wednesday's Weekly Update

2009-06-24T15:17:00.000-07:00

I hate these fucking updates. They're stupid. Every stupid post is an update, and we don't need some stupid list of all the crap we shat this week. So this is the last one ever, for the rest of your life.

In other news, this week's comic will be up on Saturday, which also happens to be the new day we post comics everyweek. So you can't say we were late two times in two weeks, cause that would be a lie, and liars burn in hell.

***SPOILER ALERT***

The new comic takes us back to a simpler time, when rich people did things and emperors wore capes.

I hope this preview in no way harms your future reading experience. That would make us cry.

But it's okay, cause SnM is breaking out of California and sending cultslave #490 to the land that gave America chicken and horses and absolutley nothing else. That means you, Kentucky. He's been brainwashed to stab your mayor, so watch the fuck out, and be sure to mention SnM to your bartender, cause if he happens to be that one guy who actually knows what you're talking about, you'll get a free beer!

SnM cannot be held liable for any big gay bartenders that tie you up and rape you, although we do find your predicament hilarious.

New fiction up. Go read it.

2009-06-23T20:27:00.000-07:00

I was going to wait until I was a little further along to put this up, maybe like twice what I've written, but I got a little stuck on such a perfect cliff hangy line that I figured I'd roll with it.

There's more acoming though, so stay tuned! And since it's a work in progress, comments and, fuck even suggestions why not, are encouraged.

They're reading your brains

2009-06-21T18:43:00.000-07:00

I'm feeling frisky, plus I've been neglecting this blog like it was one of my kids, so today you get two posts. Two! I'm a fucking blog machine, baby.

Here goes: I've been thinking about this crazy internet thing a lot lately, and I've concluded with absolute certainty that it will undoubtedly plunge us into a new utopian era of facism and slavery and war.

They've got this new thing where airport security can tell if you're gonna blow shit up based entirely on facial ticks and sweat. It's straight up mind reading, with science.

Imagine what THey (the evil doers who rule the world) could do if they used some of them fancy gizmos to cross-analyze your myspace with your fucking browsing history. People are spending so much time inputing their thoughts into this massive information taco we call the internet that pretty soon, some guy somewhere will know exactly what you're thinking at all times. If you start looking at gun websites and "fuck I need some money.com," he'll press some little button and the cops'll swoop in with tear gas and the rest is history, ass-rape history to be precise.

Conversely, if you spend all your time jerking off to the comics here at SnM, the internet police will know you're just some worthless pile of stoner who couldn't commit a real crime if his balls were made out of knife fights and his mustache were a carefully trimmed case of domestic abuse.

So play it safe kids, and keep it tuned to SnM. Your life may depend on it.

My favorite goddamned holiday ever

2009-06-21T17:55:00.000-07:00

I want to be serious for a minute. Bear with me. It's father's day today, and it always gets me to thinking just how bad ass of a father I am.

Case in point, think about what you did today. Did you smoke some bowls, play some video games, maybe work at some crappy job? Well, I created a person, using only my glistening penis and a lot of soulful thrusting. Then, for good measure, I fattened the kid up with all sorts of nurishment and taught her everything known to man until she became this awesome girl who sings and draws tattoos on herself and laughs everytime anyone farts, ever.

Sure Katrina helped here and there, but it's my day, so back off!

Wednesday's Weekly Update

2009-06-17T14:14:00.000-07:00

It's been one wacky week here at SnM comics. The big news, of course, is that we completely blew our Monday deadline for the new comic. Believe me when I tell you that it was entirely Skyler's fault. He oughta be ashamed of himself.

But don't worry. I kidnapped his bong and sent him a ransom note ensuring that Mr. Bubbles will be released from torture as soon as the new comic is posted. I also hired a goon to Falcon Punch his balls because that's funny to me.

He's coming for you, Skyler.

A couple of courageous slaves and long time friends of the program- Ross and Langlo - threw down on some tracing to make this week's comic a reality. Well done, friends. Your hardwork is an inspiration to all of us, especially that lazy-ass, good-for-nothing cock fiend, Skyler. God I hate him.

P.S. The comic is done and will be online soon. It's about the corrupt nature of our prison system. Only much more hilarious, with fat people.

SnM needs you!

2009-06-15T19:39:00.000-07:00

So I'm sitting around at work trying to come up with ideas for the funny, but the stupid phone keeps ringing with all these whiny customers wanting things, things I have to pretend to give a shit about. I'm tired of pretending.

Here's the deal. We've got a pretty legit entertainment site going, what with the chronic shorts and the freshly blogged content. We're reeling in some steady hits, but we're not making any money. I still have to work for cash flow like a sucker.

That's why we're doing this charity drive for cancer: so we can get paid for making comics. It sure as hell isn't for kids with cancer. You can help by showing the site to folks that have never even been to Mammoth, folks you know that we don't. Tell them to buy our book that we make with our goddamned bare hands, cause it'll blow their feeble minds. Tell 'em to check the preview out right here, why don't ya?

I know it sounds like I'm asking you to do a bunch of advertising for me, for free. That's probably because I am. But you can write the time off as a tax exemption. Plus when we got Hollywood banging down our doors for movie rights, we'll be like, "Remember that guy that pimped our site to all his friends? We should send him a fruit basket."

You know you want some fruit. Fucking juicy peaches, strawberries, some mangoes. Them's good eatin.

Site Changes

2009-06-12T17:48:00.001-07:00

I decided to delete that long but awesome story from the blog, kind of. I really just made a new blog and moved it over there. So click on that fiction link over to the right there, and read on some juicy prose about psychotic miners, and a new one about a drunken roadtrip.

Hooray for the Government!

2009-06-12T17:27:00.001-07:00

I had this brilliant fucking idea for an article last week. It was gonna make me tons of money and probably pull in a pulitzer, cause it's about damn time I get my hands on one of them.

You see, here in California (where I'm sure 100% of my non existant reader ship knows I live), the state's in crazy debt to the mafia. It spent all its loot on panties and Escalades for poor people, so now it wants to close down all of our State Parks. Sounds like bull shit, right?

Well, I heard Hearst Castle was one of the parks on the cut list, and there's this town just north of me that would shrivel up and die if the castle closed. I figuerd if that town's tax revenue exceeds what the state invests into the castle, I could prove that Schwartzenager was retarded. I always wanted to prove that.

But it turns out I'm retarded. After two and a half days of talking to boring-ass state treasury assistants and county assesors about the complex nature of our tax system, I found out Hearst Castle was never gonna close at all.

You know what they want to close? The beach, and some mountains probably. When I heard that, I jerked my meat for joy. You know why? Cause good fucking luck, government. Put up a sign, and we'll all just hide in our houses eating cheese.

If they're too broke to clean up a campsite, they're too broke to gaurd it, which means I still get to go, plus it's free and there's no one there to tell me I can't do drugs and bury the rotting body of that gas stations clerk that's stinking up my ride.

Also my gut's telling me the whole threat to close our parks was a stinky red herring designed to keep our attention off the real shit they want to do: have sex with our children. That's one sneaky group of pedophiles.

Wednesday's Weekly Update

2009-06-10T20:12:00.000-07:00

I haven't blogged in a while for five reasons:

1) blogging's kinda lame.

2) nobody reads this shit anyway.

3) Mexicans.

4) I got kids to feed.

5) Skyler ran away from home, and I had to make flyers.

But now I'm back and here's the word. I'll be doing these weekly updates to let ya'll know what we've actually been doing, comic-wise, over the week. I'll probably post some other shit in between. You're welcome, jerks.

This week at SnM comics, we talked about how cool it would be to do acid, if only the government would let us (God damn, I'm afraid of them). Skyler drew a comic instead. It features some of the dopest damn drug drawings to ever hit the webcomics. And it was nice to see Rookie and Vanlichtenvanstein again. Don't you think?

We also plotted out like two more shorts. One features Mersh, the guy who's responsible for our name for some reason.

Here come the Fiction

2009-06-02T11:31:00.000-07:00

To tell you you the truth, my life isn't all that interesting, and Skyler's is boring as hell. We're both students. We've got wives. We eat sometimes. Not much to blog about there, unless that makes you want to stop visiting our website, in which case we fight ninjas, no fuck that, are ninjas. Yeah. That'll keep you coming back.

The point is, our fictions are the bread and the blackberry jam, so I'll probably be posting some of that on this here page. It'll be like the comics, minus the pictures.

I've got the beginning of an idea swirling around in my brain that just might lead to a serially posted novel. Keep your fingers crossed, cause you know that shit'll be dope.

In the mean time, I'll start it off with a little Western about our beloved SnM characters.

Amethyst

2009-06-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

We got a new comic up for your viewing pleasure. This one features Artie the Lush getting his knees broke-in by animal goons for some reason.
The moral of the story explores the self-perpetuation of poverty and its soul crushing effects. Not really. Its actually about the futility of heroic aspirations in the face of grim reality. Actually that's bullshit too.
In all honesty, there isn't a moral, cause SnM doesn't never have none, ever. It's just a true story about my uncle. That's right. He was beaten near to death by a walrus for fucking around with a mobster's shiny rocks. Poor guy. Hasn't been the same since.

On a lighter note, we're posting these little comics every single week now. Plus I'll be rocking the blog whenever I goddamned feel like it, so keep on a coming back for more of the goods.

And so it begins

2009-05-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

When Skyler first approached me with the idea to start a blog, I was anxious and frightened, so I punched him in his face hole...with a hammer. It did the trick. Between the ambulance ride, paper work, and follow-up surgeries, I was able to stall for several minutes before having to write a single word. And in those sexy minutes, I decided to start at the beginning, the day SnM comics was born...
I think drugs were involved, but it's difficult to remember what with all the drinking. We stood atop a mountain surveying the vast landscape of shitty movies in our local video dispensary. From the fancy packaging, one could deduce that much money had been given to someone to produce these things. Well, I owed my bookie a couple dollars, so we decided to go into the show business.
Our break-out first film met with little success, as it was never finished. We never even tried a second time. You see, actors have incredible egos and insufficient skills to portray the depth of emotions that happen when child molesting homeless people are killed by a love-sick stoner. Also poop jokes.
Turns out CGI is pretty tricky as well, so we're like, "Fuck it. Let's just draw them shit's." And draw them shits we did.
When computers happened, we were at the forefront of website technology. You can totally tell. That's why we're blogging now. Cause we're original ass trendsetters, bitch! Don't you forget it.